file:///Users/karen/Desktop/skyisbluer.AVI

Morning page notes shot at dawn. I like the sound at this time. Particularly in the city. Humans get pushed back. Leave the world for dreams. The wind has a time of its own. Before the birds. The elements are revealed. You can feel alone at dawn in a good way. Not lonely. That’s the difference. You’re stripped bare. Still in the half world. Even if you’re still up the sky, wind, sun, moon take over. Change colour, brighten. Wind rustles through foliage. It’s the sound and the rapidity of change. It’s like watching the earth age. Speeded up and slowed down at the same time. Time at its most naked, when it can’t be distorted by clocks. Anguish and joy move at the same rate.

I Heart Vie from Karen McCarthy on Vimeo.

This is a video diary from Arvon with the Complete Works crew that was led by Mimi Khalvati and Pascale Petit. There were many tasks set: one of which was to write a poem exploring animal myths. I was given a bear and had wanted a wolf. I struggled long and hard with the bear poem, then set it aside for a collage poem that had the added incentive of being a competition. Ten hot shots and one Amazon voucher in the offing.

I thought the non-narrative structure a collage poem naturally encourages might relax me, and also, distract me, as the bear poem was addressing two distinct but related subjects I’d been avoiding: my pregnancy and the imminent death of my mother-in-law from an aggressive brain tumour. Both felt too close to really get anywhere with at the time.

This is part of the way through the process. I’ll talk about some of the other decisions and sources for lines and phrases in a separate post. I’m working retrospectively here, as I thought it would be an interesting one to share as the process lends itself to Notebooks so readily. It’s one I prepared earlier as it were. I’m travelling backwards now, in the future I will be hurtling forwards.